Written by Somto Monanu.
If you have lived in Abuja for more than a year, you should understand the term “fake Abuja big girl” or FABB.
These are the girls who are usually very attractive, own all the Apple products in this world, live in N1million flats in Maitama, but if you check their background, their parents are struggling in their various villages.
Enough said, let me educate you
12. She Is A Tease
Go on her instagram page number one her name is either Janethebosschick or firstadyzainab or priciliathegoddess or one kind of funny looking name like that, then she is always posting suggestive photos teasing all these horny small boys on the gram who are always commenting telling her how beautiful she is.
Its either she is stylishly showing of bum bum or it will be her bobby.
11. Balling for the Gram
When going through her instagram Photos you will notice she is either in one five star hotel or another, then she is eating lunch at a very expensive chinese restaurant, she is always on a plane, having unnecessary vacations in Dubai, My sister are you a travel Blogger?
10. Bleached skin and tattoos
These days, most girls think they have to be “white-skinned” to be beautiful. They go as far as taking injections to perfect their skin.
They then get tattoos to complete the look. These girls have to sell their market. 4
When you check their background, their families are as dark-skinned as they come but these girls look more like Black or White era Michael Jackson.
9. Drive around town in flashy rides
In attempt to look like the cream dela cream of Abuja, these babes drive around in the flashiest cars.
Don’t be deceived the ride is either for their father or family member or worse, the company’s ride.
Once you notice she changes cars like he changes clothes without any serious job just ditch her fast.
8. Fake accent
This is another common trait. FABBs roll their tongues like their lives depend on it. Every vowel, irrespective of the word, is followed by an ‘R’: Jos become Jors; Taxi, Tarxi; Abuja, Abujarrr.
7. Long ‘human’ hair
If they do not have the Brazilian hair that reaches their butt, they haven’t arrived. Picture the combo: bleached skin, fake accent and long Brazilian hair.
Most of these girls don’t even have up to N10, 000 in their bank accounts but they have to impress. All na packaging!
6. Own the latest android phones
This draws me back to a Nigerian movie I watched weeks ago. Funke Akindele’s character sold her bed just so she could buy an Android phone.
She preferred to sleep on a bare mattress on the floor than use her regular Nokia phone just so she could impress the guys and catch “proper fish.”
This is exactly what FABBS do.
They would own the iPhone 5s, S4, iPad. Before the iPhone6 is out, they already have it yet they don’t have regular jobs. So where do they get all that money from?
5. Don’t invite you to their houses
FABBs never want you to know where they live; it would ruin the illusion of their prosperous lives.
Picture this, as a guy, you meet this pretty light skinned lady, who owns all the nicest phone and tablets, maybe drives a car if the hustle is tight; long Brazilian hair and a little cash in their bank account.
As a guy, you believe you are toasting or dating a girl who has money. So, why would she invite you to her “face me I face you” to spoil her packaging?
Everybody’s hustle is different but that of the Fake Abuja Big Girl is the realest; take note.
4. They don’t have any job
These babes are usually jack of all trades. Today she is a make up artist, tomorrow she has goods that she is selling.
They are mostly called contractors. Always chasing contracts, trying to fit in a class they don’t belong.
3. They are related to politicians
Typical fake Abuja babes knows every politician there is to know. You hear them call Buhari their uncle and Kemi Adeosun their God-mother. Na wa oh!
2. They wear designers
They are the ones that dress top to bottom in designers. The saying that wealth is silent is no joke.
There is a huge difference between being sophisticated and dressing to impress. Be careful.
They can use all their money to buy Designer bags and will have only N500 in their account balance.
1. Only dates connected Guys & Men
If your father is not a top politician, Or you are not financially flamboyant don’t even bother. These fake babes will date normal guys but never settle down with them.
When its time to settle down, they hunt for politicians children or connected guys.
The fact is most of them are dreaming of marrying Buhari’s son right now.